Love to Let You Down
by Okami No Yume
Summary: Cloud's thoughts on Tifa. Songfic. Please read and review. Second FF fanfic. Strong CloTi, very slight Cleris. First fic I've posted in awhile, second FFVII fic. Please R&R. Takes place after AC.


Love to Let You Down

A CloTi songfic.

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Final Fantasy VII, or the characters. It belongs to the brilliant minds at Square-Enix. Nor do I own the lyrics. They belong to the band Life of Agony.

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Cloud rode Fenrir through the wastelands of the plains outside of the newly built town of Edge. It felt good to be astride his massive black motorbike, feeling the power of the engine and the ease with which it made turns. Ever since he had gotten the motorcycle, and had modifications made to it over time, it had almost become an extension of him. Upon seeing it, Tifa's russet eyes had become as wide as saucers. Marlene had stared in quiet awe. Tifa had wanted to know how he could have afforded such an extravagance, since all their savings in Gil had gone into building the 7th Heaven Bar. He chuckled at the memory. 

_Willing to start again,_

_Willing to give it another try_

_Tifa…_At the thought of her name, his rare flash of mirth instantly vanished. His mind flashed back to their fight earlier that day. "_Cloud, you can't blame yourself forever! Her death wasn't your fault! You couldn't have done anything to stop it! Don't you understand?" _There had been tears running down her cheeks as she'd yelled at him. "_There was nothing you could do for her! You can't change the past Cloud!"_

_Willing to pretend but still so dead_

_Willing to forget but still so dead_

He needed to clear his head, just get away for a while, that was all. Think. Have some time to himself and collect his scattered thoughts. After some time alone, he would be fine. Maybe even do some "dilly-dallying". Maybe he could go to the cliff that overlooked Midgar, where his old Buster sword stood impaled in the ground, rusted and worn. It had served as a faithful weapon over his travels, and after they had at last defeated Sephiroth, he thought it a fitting monument to those that had been cruelly felled underneath the merciless blade of the silver-haired general's Masamune.

And writing's on the wall 

_But the walls have all come down_

Including…Her. Aeris. Kind, gentle, beautiful Aeris. Aeris, who was the final victim to satiate Masamune's bloodlust. No matter what happened, she always had that smile on her face. She was always cheerful, optimistic, looking on the bright side of things. They had all grown to love her, and she had become a deeply valued member of the group as they all traveled together, and they had quickly become fond of her.

_If you can't see past the truth_

_I love to let you down..._

Cloud finally decided to go to the old abandoned church in Midgar, where Aeris had once tended her flowers. He visited frequently, and had even set up camp there. It was the only place that brought him peace any more. Her aura permeated the church and he often felt her presence nearby. She'd left an indelible imprint on the place that was so deep, it was as if her very spirit still resided within the very woodwork of the church, and its beautiful old pillars. It comforted him and brought ease to his often-troubled mind. It was his home away from home. He loved to sit by the Lifestream pool and contemplate things.

_Willing to walk again_

_Willing to step back in the light,_

_Willing to forget but still so dead_

He parked Fenrir in front of the church and stepped inside, his steps echoing throughout the sacred space. More of his and Tifa's fight echoed in his brain. "_Don't you understand Tifa? If only I had gotten there sooner. I could have stopped him! I could have saved her!_ Instead, he'd been forced to watch as that…bastard had plunged his blade into her back, bringing her brief life to its abrupt and cruel end. Even in the end, she had been smiling.

_Willing to turn my head_

_Willing to let my feelings slide_

_Willing to befriend but still so dead_

He hadn't cried since he was a kid. He was always the strong one. As a member of SOLDIER, emotions were useless. They were considered a luxury that could never be indulged in. He hadn't even shed a single tear at Aeris's death. Rather than weeping for her, he'd mourned her with quietly, never letting his feelings show. He had carried on for her sake, for her memory-they all had. And they had all continued the quest with thoughts of vengeance and retribution driving them forward, condemning the renegade angel into the depths of Perdition.

_And it's starting to take its toll_

_And it's starting to unwind_

_But the quicker that things unfold is_

_The quicker that they subside_

Cloud, above all. He'd sworn that, if nothing else, Aeris would at least be avenged. It was the very least she deserved, the very least he owed her, since she had died for the planet. She was a fallen martyr, a sacrificial lamb. He took comfort in the fact that their efforts had not been in vain. They had fought well, defeated the silver-haired demon, and ultimately prevailed. And she had borne silent witness to their victory if not in body, but in spirit.

_And writing's on the wall_

_But the walls have all come down_

_If you can't see past the truth_

_I love to let you..._

She had told him it was okay. She had told him that he was forgiven. That it wasn't his fault. "_Dilly Dally Shilly Shally. Isn't it time_ you _did the forgiving?_" He pondered this. She was right. Zack and Aeris were both at peace in the afterlife: they had left their earthly burdens behind. And perhaps, that was for the best. They had moved on. He remembered her radiant, yet gentle smile before she and Zack had vanished for the final time.

_And it's complicated_

_And it's complicated_

_Everything that I've known_

_What was up is now down_

It was time for him to start living again, to start letting people in. He had shut Tifa out for so long, keeping her at arm's length. She loved him, but he wasn't sure if he could allow himself to love her. It was all still too new to him. Could he let her in? Could he love her? Could they have a life together? His heart wanted to love her, but something inside had always held him back. He couldn't quite let go of Aeris' memory. Guilt had clung to him like a heavy cloak that he could not shed, but now it felt lifted. He felt…lighter, happier, more serene.

_And it's overrated_

_And it's overrated_

_Everything that I know_

He was startled from his thoughts by the soft creaking of one of the ancient church doors, and soft footsteps. He looked up to see Tifa, she hesitated, a tremulous smile forming on her lips. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "I somehow knew you'd be here." He stood up, facing her.

_And I love to let you..._

_I love to let you ..._

_And it's starting to take its toll_

_And it's starting to unwind_

He blinked, nodding at her. Had he really become that predictable? He reached up and scratched behind his head sheepishly. In that moment, he reminded her of a little boy that had been caught doing something naughty. She always thought it was cute.

_But the quicker that things unfold is_

_The quicker that they subside_

_And writing's on the wall_

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I was a bit worried about you. You left in such a rush. Is…everything alright, Cloud?" Her voice was a little thick as the unspoken words hung between them in the air, what she couldn't say_. Is everything okay between us? Is everything going to be all right? _She didn't dare close the distance between them, for the fear of her heart shattering if he were to pull away from her, as he had done so many times before.

_But the walls have all come down_

_If you can't see past the truth_

I love to let you down 

He was the one that ended up closing the distance. "Yeah." He said with a small smile of his own. "I think I'll be okay." And to her surprise, he took her hand in his. As they left the church together, two ethereal figures, unseen, watched on in silent contentment that all would be well.

_And I'm willing to start again_

_To give it another try…_

_I'm willing to start again…_

_Fin

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_

A/N: This piece has been hovering around my hard drive for a few months…I've done a little tweaking here and there, made some modifications, and smoothed it out some. I hope you like it, and while it may not have turned out quite the way I would have expected…I think it's pretty good. As always, reviews are much, much appreciated. I consider myself as a little rough around the edges when it comes to my writing, and am looking to improve, so if anyone who reads this has constructive criticism to offer, that is much appreciated as well. Thank you.

And yes, while Cloud may have gotten over Aeris's death in the movie…well, this little bunny wouldn't leave me alone. Let's just chalk it up to poetic license. Heh.


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